Not sure how much I have to say tonight. Probably quite a lot.. just because it’s been so long since I’ve written. Probably very little, because I didn’t sit down with a coherent thing I wanted to say here. I just felt that pressure that comes from it being the beginning of another month, and I want to re-commit myself to [Writing More!] [Being More Disciplined!] [Really Wrestling with Ideas and Sharing Them!]. So yeah. Here’s a post.
Marathon training is going ok, I guess. That and the wedding are kind of the big anchors keeping me grounded for the summer. Both are fine, and I’m excited about both of them, but.. they are also work. The marathon still intimidates me. I’m not really sure I’m up to the challenge, and there are mornings when just making myself get up and run is pure agony. This past week I really slacked off the training routine because I was (a) very busy with work; and (b) not emotionally in a place where I could make myself do it. But then I ran 13.1 miles yesterday and it didn’t totally suck, so for the moment I’m cautiously feeling okiguess, as mentioned above. So.. there’s that.
The wedding is also ok. Pieces are falling into place. Rings. Invitations. Music. An officiant. A wedding registry. There is still so, so much to do and Sam and I are so bad at holding each other accountable to DO THE THING, SEND THE EMAIL, etc. We are just so tired, and so sedentary on any random weeknight when we think about trying to do wedding stuff. Easier to watch tv and do the crossword instead. Of course, then there’s also the pandemic still looming and maybe it will all go to shit in the next three months and we will have to make big adjustments. I very much hope not. We are still trusting that won’t be the case.
Mostly though it’s been a summer of … not quite doing enough. Not quite getting out with people, or seeing enough people or having enough weekend fun. It’s just…. kinda dull. Sam and I have each other and I’m hugely, immeasurably grateful for that. But…. we don’t have enough of an attachment to other things in this city to have much else besides. We’re just kinda .. us. And there’s a sense in which everyone ramped back up to 1,000, doing a million things this summer and we .. didn’t? Maybe every summer feels that way. Every summer sometimes feels like Everyone Else Is Having Fun and You’re Not. But it’s just.. a little more intense this year. It’s very real, and not just in our heads. And I think it contributes to the wedding anxiety. If we can’t quite seem to have a big, sexyfun social life on the regs during summer, how are we going to actually put together a social event as big and intense as a wedding? I dunno.
For the moment at least.. it all comes back to the wedding. And to running. I’m not sure I have much else.
